


Remus Finally Kisses Sirius Again

by simplysirius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Relationship(s), Remus x Sirius, sirius x remus, wolfstar, wolfstar angst, wolfstar fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:47:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27867097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplysirius/pseuds/simplysirius
Summary: After Sirius escapes Azkaban, Remus finally gets to kiss Sirius again, but it's much different than he imagined these past twelve years.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 96





	Remus Finally Kisses Sirius Again

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @simplysirius for daily fics and fanart! I also take requests :)

The years wore on Sirius’ face. They pulled down at the corners of his lips, wrinkled his forehead, clawed at his eyes. A fine layer of hair covered his jaw, and his hair fell well below his shoulders now, all knotted in the back and hopelessly tangled.

Remus wasn’t sure how to approach him. After the confrontation in the Shack, Sirius obviously needed somewhere to stay, and there really was only one option. Sneaking into his flat, Remus collected all the extra blankets and pillows he could find to make a bed on the couch for Sirius. He wasn’t about to assume they’d sleep together, as if the last twelve years hadn’t happened. They did happen. Remus spent twelve years – four thousand three hundred eighty days – sleeping alone. So did Sirius. It would take time to learn each other again.

Sirius jumped at every small noise, and Remus could nearly see his heart slamming against his ribcage. He was so thin, so frail, like he would fall to ash if Remus looked at him too closely. Tattoos crawled over his skin. Sirius used to talk about all the tattoos he would get after they graduated Hogwarts, but Remus didn’t think they’d be so…erratic. There was nothing careful or artistic about them; they were thick, jagged lines and crudely drawn figures.

“I made some tea,” Remus said quietly, frowning as Sirius flinched at his voice. He was sat in front of the fireplace, nearly inside the hearth, as close as he could get to the flames. As Remus handed him a cup, he registered how cold Sirius’ skin still was, how a shiver still shook his shoulders every now and then.

“Thank you,” Sirius whispered. He brought the tea to his lips, sighing as the steam splayed over his face, not seeming to mind scalding his tongue. His eyes washed over Remus, landing on his eyes. “You look the same.”

It was such a mundane conversation. Remus managed a nervous laugh. He was about to say so do you, but that would be a sour lie. “Is that a good thing?”

Sirius nodded slowly, like it took a minute for his brain to catch up with him. “Yes. It’s a good thing. Are you sure you’re real?”

“What?”

“You look exactly like I left you. Same hair. Same eyes. Same scars. Am I dreaming?” Sirius’ face twisted into a look of panic, and his tea sloshed all over the blankets. “What if I’m dreaming and I’m still there and you aren’t really here? What if I wake up and I’m still on the floor and you’re gone? Oh my god, are you real? Please tell me you’re real. Please, Remus, please.”

Sirius was tugging at his hair, his beautiful blue eyes clouded by hot tears, teeth clenched so tightly they were liable to break any moment.

“Sirius, look at me,” Remus begged, but it was no use.

“Where are you? If you aren’t real, where are you?”

“Sirius, stop,” Remus cried, wrapping his fingers around Sirius’ wrists without thinking. Underneath his grip, Sirius froze, eyes wide and lips parted, every muscle taut. His breath came down on Remus’ cheeks in hard, quivering pants. “I’m here. I’m right here. I’m not leaving. Okay?”

He nodded, a single, jerky motion. Remus slowly unwrapped his fingers, but Sirius took his hands instead, holding on so tightly that the skin paled white and his joints cracked. He pulled Remus closer to him, still not entirely sure Remus wasn’t a beautiful, ghostly illusion.

“I won’t ask you where you came from, or how,” Remus promised. “And you shouldn’t ask me. It doesn’t matter. I’m right in front of you, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You’re real. I’m real. This is real.”

“You love me.”

Remus flinched at the words. God, he loved Sirius. He loved Sirius every day of his life. But now it hurt. It hurt to love him because he was so easy to love, even locked up a million miles away in Azkaban. That’s where he was now. Sirius was sitting in Remus’ living room, but his mind still lingered behind the cold bars of his cell. Remus didn’t trust his voice, so he only nodded.

Sirius’ fingers tightened, encouraging Remus even closer. “Kiss me. Kiss me like a real person.”

Remus had spent twelve years dreaming about what their first kiss back together would feel like. He expected some wild explosion of passion, lips connecting almost as quickly as their shirts fell from their bodies. He thought it would be messy, too much teeth and tongue, to make up for lost time. He anticipated getting tackled to the ground, murmuring _I love yous_ and rushed obscenities into each other’s mouths.

Their first kiss was hardly a kiss at all.

It was the promise of a kiss, a mere ghost of how they used to be. Sirius was so still, not breathing, and Remus lost all feeling in his body. Sirius’ mouth was chapped and not quite thawed. It was the slightest brush of lips against lips, not even enough to produce a noise as Remus pulled away.

Sirius blinked, as if he was seeing for the first time. He lifted a hand to Remus’ face, brushing his cheek, thumbing over a prominent scar. The memory of that moon came flooding back to him, a little sliver of a life before Azkaban returning to him. “You’re real. You’re really you.”

“Yes. Yes, I’m real.”

“And you really love me.”

“Yes.”

“And I love you.” Sirius’ voice pitched up at the end, as if he was asking Remus for permission, for reassurance.

He nodded. “You did. Back at Hogwarts, you did.”

“I still do.” It was the one thing Sirius knew. That he never forgot. Azkaban had taken almost everything from him, but it couldn’t take Remus. Remus was his to touch, to hold, to love. Remus was real, and that’s all that mattered.


End file.
